packed it in for the season.

I realized that I loved the noun officiating, but I was struggling mightily with the verb. I had to find a love for what I was doing if I was going to stick with it; I was simply not finding that by staying in the game.

I made my decision a week and a half ago [Editor's note: Somewhere around 20 January] and writing about it now is literally giving me the shakes. I don't know if it was the right decision, but I have to ride this one out to know for for sure. Bear with me.

Chasing ghosts

In his seminal book The Game, Ken Dryden talks about his experience as a men's league player. His friends on his team pressured him to play goaltender, which probably had something to do with his being the best goalie of his era. Instead, he insisted on playing defence. Why?

He said that if he played goaltender, he would be chasing the dream of being himself. Chasing a memory of yourself is not terribly healthy for your self-esteem. Playing defence, he could pretend he was Bobby Orr and chase a mythical ideal that didn't hurt when — inevitably — he failed. I was facing the same problem.

Continued...