hey call soccer the "beautiful game." Who are "they"? People who think soccer is beautiful, of course.

Those of you who are familiar with and use terms such as "lads" and "pitch" should not get your knee-length shorts caught up in a bunch. I enjoy playing and watching soccer. What I don't like is self-aggrandizement. Besides, I'm about to throw soccer a compliment, but I could never do such a thing non-back-handedly.

As an official, the thing I find most beautiful about soccer is its consistency. Thanks to authority unrivalled in the world outside the Pope's study, FIFA, soccer's world governing body, enacts and enforces rules throughout the world. The sport's national sanctioning bodies play a role in how the game is played, but FIFA is the unquestioned boss of bosses. When FIFA says "jump," the soccer world asks: "Off which cliff, please?"

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